I’m not always a wedding etiquette stickler… but when I am, I have no problem issuing a list of things THOU SHALT NOT DO at a wedding. Usually, we’re talking about wedding guest manners. Or trying to keep the wedding party in line. But sometimes, my target is the bride and groom.

Your wedding is not an opportunity to shame anybody, make a point, or ostracize someone who let you down during your wedding planning. You have to let it all go on the big day, put on a smile, and be gracious to everybody who attend. Here’s a list of six specific things in BRIDES that you shouldn’t do, just in case you’re thinking that I’ll let you off the hook for a discrete slight.

Remember, no matter how bitter you’re feeling about something that somebody did or didn’t do, for whatever reason, you invited this person to your wedding. That means you’re going to behave like an adult. That means greeting them and exchanging a few words, and keeping your opinions about them to yourself, no matter how badly you want to vent to your besties. You can do it when you get back from your honeymoon.

Until next time, happy wedding planning!